So here are 6 reasons Celebrants should not be asked to “be Registrars”.

1. We create a relationship with our couples!

We are people people! We work with our couples to write a ceremony that is true to their values. A fundamental part of creating this relationship is meeting with them and finding out how they came to the decision to marry. We include their love story, their joy, their laughter, their challenges. Friendship and trust is important here and we build that with our couples.

A Registrar will book couples in via email for two impersonal meetings – the Notice Meeting and the Marriage Ceremony. This is purely the legal administration and the contract. There are no connections made – it is purely a process. Couples do not even know who will conduct the legal contract with them on the day.

2. Celebrants are more creative!

The work that we do is really really creative. We ask, listen and research, write paragraphs, cross them out and start again! Additionally we write about how the couple’s love transcends all the challenges they face in their lives. We get to the nitty gritty. Sometimes we get writers block but, more often than not, our creativity kicks in naturally. By gut instinct, we know how to share the fun, the joy and the love through the words we write.

A Registrar provides a maximum of three standard, heavily templated ceremony scripts, in which the only requirement is to “insert name here”. Where is the joy in that? Being part of the creation of  your ceremony is part of the fun. That is where a Celebrant will fully engage with their couples.

3. We can conduct a ceremony wherever you want!

Yes! We have no restrictions on where we can conduct ceremonies, as long as permission from the landowner is given. Celebrants should still act in a professional manner and provide you with a ceremony that has gravitas when it comes to the vows. Your ceremony can include the content you want around that. Whether your ceremony includes lots of humour, a Harry Potter theme, a sophisticated and serene vibe, or elements from different faiths, it is your decision as to what it should include.

Registrars are restricted to licensed venues and can conduct ceremonies in the licensed rooms of those venues, or within the grounds of that licensed venue. You will only get the standard templated **insert name here**ceremony. And you can’t have a Registrar led ceremony on a beach, in the woods or in your garden, in the same way that you can with a Celebrant.

4. We make Registrars look good!

With all the work we put ino each ceremony, we often hear guests comment on how wonderful the ceremony was. It’s not a case of just standing up there and reading a standard script, but I’ve heard the comment “I never knew that a Registrar could deliver such a wonderful ceremony.” They absolutely do not. It’s not their fault – they can only deliver the standard template. Celebrants should not be asked to “be Registrars”  because we tend to put in between 20-50 hours of work into each ceremony. We also make sure that it is what the couple want.

5. We have extensive professional training!

Couples who book a Celebrant do so because they really really care about their ceremony. It kickstarts the celebrations and, if it’s slapdash and unprofessional, the rest of the day will be off balance.

Celebrants should be professionally trained, so that they are fully aware of their responsibilities to their couples.

There are many elements to get to grips with, including health and safety, equality and diversity, time management and crowd control. Couples do not want a Celebrant who thinks that being a Celebrant is “just standing up there and having a bit of a laugh”.

Registrars get trained purely in the legal aspects of marriage and the administration of a contract. They are then sent out to be a talking head.

6. Impersonating an official is not a good idea!

Yes, it’s as simple as that. Celebrants should not be asked to “be Registrars”! But if you really want a Registrar with their standard templated ceremony for the legal contract, you just need to make sure your wedding date and time suits your Registrar’s availability. Flexibility on the day is rarely an option, whereas Celebrants normally conduct just one ceremony a day, meaning that they can adapt to your needs. And when it comes to the adaptability of Celebrants – well, that’s a whole new blog just waiting to happen!

So….

Those are the 6 Reasons why Celebrants should not be asked to “be Registrars”. We are so much more than that!

Your wedding ceremony is much more than a boring legal templated script. Separate the legal admin from the ceremonial. Ensure your Register Office knows that you want the basic minimum ceremony, which is called the 2+2. It is your statutory right to get married and the 2+2 is a ceremony Register Offices must provide, regardless of what they tell you. A 2+2 is where you as a couple and two witnesses attend a six minute ceremony in which you create the marriage contract.

And if you struggle to understand this, compare it to when you register the birth of a baby. Families register the birth of a baby. They don’t take 150 guests with them but have a joyful Naming Ceremony with a Celebrant at a later date. It’s as easy and as beautiful as that.

Finally…

If your family and friends think that your Celebrant is a Registrar, you are misleading them and that is stressful. Relax and immerse yourself in the joy of co-creating your unique and distinctly wondrous ceremony with your professionally trained Celebrant, and be proud of the decision you made!

For more information, contact me!

Photos courtesy of:

Olivia and Dan Photography

Nelson Photography

Liz Greenhalgh Photography

Alexandra Cameron Photography

Peter Denness Wedding Photographer

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Creating Grief Mandalas is a soothing ritual that allows you to express feelings when grief hits you. As Death Doula, Sarah Kerr says, in the same way as a river bank guides the flow of water, grief rituals create a structure to allow the grief to flow at a pace you can handle.

Natural materials used to create mandalas are temporary, as is life. These materials will fade, they may feel the heat of the sun or be drenched by rain and the wind may move them. And that’s part of the grief ritual. The intention of the ritual will remain with you always, while the materials used will remain throughout the days after the ritual, eventually returning to nature.

I conducted a Grief Mandala Ritual for my dear little Mum, who died in December 2019, creating Grief Mandalas on a beach that she loved to visit with me and my children.

How to Create a Grief Mandala

Go outside, take your time, connect with nature.

Pick up leaves, stones, berries, twigs, flowers, petals and other natural materials that you are drawn to. Place them all in a basket or other container for a short while, so that each item forms a connection with the others.

A traditional mandala is a square containing a circle and the pattern inside of the circle is symmetrical and balanced. A Grief Mandala has no pre-set pattern inside of it. Close your eyes and remember the person you are grieving. A pattern will emerge.

The Grief Mandala Ritual

Find a space where you can create a circle – the size of the circle will be of your choosing.

Stand still and quietly observe the blank space. Breathe. This is your ritual space and you are now opening your ritual. Think about the person for whom you are creating this mandala.

Place an item from your basket or container on the ground, this will form the centre of your mandala. As you place it down, repeat the following– this can be done silently, or out loud:

My heart is broken yet there is joy – the joy of you.

Place sticks, twigs or other material to form a bigger circle around the centre piece – leave space to fill the circle with other material that will form the pattern (in this way you are forming the ‘river bank’. Repeat the following as you do this:

I celebrate the place you had in my life

Place leaves or similar in the mandala you are creating. Repeat the following as you do this:

I celebrate the truth you taught me.

Place more leaves or similar in lines in the mandala. Repeat:

I celebrate the growth you enabled in me.

Place flowers or leaves in the mandala. Repeat:

I celebrate the colour you brought into my life.

Place flowers or leaves in the mandala. Repeat:

I celebrate the love you brought into my life.

Place flowers or leaves in the mandala. Repeat:

I celebrate you,every blessed minute I shared with you.

Place flowers or leaves in the mandala. Repeat:

I allow myself to feel this love and this grief; to treat myself with compassion; to keep all memories of you close in my heart.

Place a significant item in the middle of the mandala. Repeat:

As this circle has no end, neither shall my love for you.

Closing your Grief Mandala Ritual

Remove yourself from the liminal (transitional) space you have created through this ritual – step back from the mandala.

Close this ritual by thanking nature for providing you with the resources to connect with your loved one through the mandala, and the opportunity to express thanks to them.

Take a few moments, breathe, take in the experience that you have just been through, the meaning of the mandala you have created and the feelings that have been generated.

Take time afterwards – self-care after a ritual is important so walk in a place that you love, hug a loved one, cry, write. Release.

If you would like to talk more about creating Grief Mandalas or celebrating your loved ones, please get in touch.

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One – Ring Ceremony

The Ring Ceremony is the most wonderful ceremony idea where you include special guests, without them having to get up! Your wedding rings are looped onto ribbon and passed to your nearest and dearest, who hold them in their hands for a few seconds. They are asked to think of their love for you and their support for your marriage before passing them on to the next person.

By the time you exchange your wedding rings, the precious metal will have been warmed by the love of the people who love you the most. It’s a beautiful ceremony idea and very emotional – especially if grandparents are involved.

Two – Handtying

Handtying is a beautiful ritual where your hands are bound together with ribbons or cords. It symbolises the joining of two hands, two hearts and two lives.  Handtying fits perfectly in your ceremony at any stage, but particularly when you exchange your vows. The colours of the ribbons have significant meaning but you might also like to include material that is special to you. For example, lace from your mother or grandmother’s wedding dress, a strip of material from a loved one’s shirt, beach hut material, macramé cords – whatever you wish!

To clarify, Handtying is not a Handfasting. Handfasting is a pagan ceremony that involves calling the quarters and blessing the circle in which you are standing, amongst other things. For more information, you should contact a wonderfully experienced celebrant such as Rebecca at Willow Ceremonies.

Three – Blessing Stones

Blessing Stones – also known as Wishing Stones – are a great way of including everybody!  We ask your guests to write a lovely message on each stone and then put them on each side of the path used for your ceremony. It means you walk in and out on a path full of love! Your Blessing Stones can then be kept as wonderful keepsakes in your garden.

Four – Love Lock Ceremony

The words that accompany this ritual in your ceremony are wonderful. The symbolism of linking two padlocks and throwing away the keys works perfectly in a ceremony that is about the joining of two people in love. Linked but still individual! Family can be involved in the ceremony and you keep your locked padlocks for the rest of your lives. Perfect.

Five – Sand Unity Ceremony

Sand Unity Ceremonies is the last of our ceremony ideas for today (but oh, we have so many more!). This ceremony is perfect for blending families, where children can be involved. Our couples pour the first layer of sand and then each family member pours their own colour in turn. Each colour has a significant meaning, so we ask each family member to consider their personalities and values in life when choosing their colour. The result is a beautiful and meaningful keepsake of your special day!

It’s your choice!

Your Celebrant led wedding ceremony will always be unique and, by including beautiful ceremony ideas that resonate with you, the ceremony will reflect who you really are. Alternatively, you may want a beautifully simple yet sophisticated ceremony without any rituals. Whatever works for you is what you must have, so get in touch with us to find out more!

Photo credits and thanks to:

Francis Meaney Photography (ring ceremony)

Liz Greenhalgh Photography (hand tying ceremony)

David Waldron, White Rose Ceremonies (blessing stone & sand unity ceremonies)

TheLoveLockShop on Etsy (love lock ceremony)

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Our creative, modern and discerning couples want to have as many choices available to them, as possible. And, if you don’t know already, you open up so many incredible options when you choose a Celebrant led wedding ceremony!

So, in the same way that a birth is registered, our couples happily get the legal registration of their marriage completed by the council registrar in a 10-minute appointment before their wedding day. And then they enjoy an amazing Celebrant wedding ceremony, sharing their personal vows and promises in the location of their choice!

Your perfect ceremony locations can be licensed or unlicensed – take a look here:

One – At home

Imagine the scene. You are getting ready in your family home, the garden is full of flowers, the house is full of memories, families and excitement!

If you, or a relative or friend, has a garden that can take it then this is the perfect place to share your wedding vows and create a really special moment in time.

Two – On the beach

For those of you who love the sand and the sea, having a super-relaxed wedding ceremony on the beach is just perfect. Even in the UK!

What’s not to love about getting ready in a beach hut and being barefoot in the sand? With a picnic or fish and chips to follow, it’s a fantastic day!

Three – In a forest

Perhaps you love the idea of exchanging your vows while surrounded by beautiful trees with dappled light through a canopy of leaves?

There is something really magical about trees. If this is you, find a forest or wood right now and get in touch to discuss how this will work for your ceremony!

Four – In a beautiful field

With an empty field at your fingertips, there is ample opportunity to fill it with whatever you want.

Do you want haybales for relaxed seating at your amazing wedding ceremony? A marquee? Tipi? Fairground rides? Whatever it is, you will have more than enough space to do it!

Five – Down on the farm

Farms provide lots of incredibly flexible options for your Celebrant led wedding ceremony. Clean out the cowsheds, dust down the stables, clear the paddock, line the tractors up.

Let’s get the bunting up, embrace the great outdoors and let’s celebrate in style!

Six – Cosy barns

If you want a beautifully authentic feel to your Celebrant led wedding ceremony, then let’s get in a barn that is decorated with fairy lights, foliage, rugs and lanterns.

Do it yourself or get events organisers to dress it for you. However you do it, it will feel magical.

Seven – Formal venues

We also spend a lot of time at some stunning formal venues. They may or may not have a license and that doesn’t matter! We work at the most beautiful venues with the option of having your Celebrant led wedding ceremony inside or outside.  Featured here is the beautiful brick barn at The Granary Estates:

And the stunning outdoor location at Longstowe Hall:

We work with so many beautiful venues that we will write a blog post especially for them soon!

Eight – Chateaux

We are recommended suppliers at Le Chateau du Val at Saint Just, Brittany and love the versatility along with the relaxed yet opulent style.

If you want to take your family abroad for a wedding, then a Chateau could be the perfect choice! Many offer exclusive weekends for your weddings and provide beautiful accommodation along with swimming pools and amazing scenery.

Nine – Dry venues with glamping

Several dry venues will have glamping and camping facilities, which means you can take over for the weekend and enjoy your celebrations at your leisure. Horsley Hale Farm has been one of our favourites ever since it opened, with a new range of stunning accommodation in natural surroundings that includes the most beautiful lake.

Wellington Wood is another favourite of ours in Norfolk. This beautiful venue has several options for your ceremony, including their beautiful Larch ceremony area. You’ve got lots of choices available to you for your whole day and a selection of accommodation, along with a flower meadow and ancient woodland. Just perfect!

Ten – On a river

And if you like a lazy sail on the river, then grab your crews, blankets, champagne and have the most special day of your life.

There are no limits!

The only thing that will hold you back is the limiting belief that you can only have your wedding ceremony at certain places. With so many perfect ceremony locations, you really can find one that is perfect for you.

If you want any help at all with discovering perfect ceremony locations in your area, just get in touch and let’s talk!

Photo credits

David Waldron, White Rose Ceremonies

Chris Taylor Photography

Yokan

Nicki Shea Photography

Peter Denness Photography

Lorna Newman Photography

Sarah Brookes Photography

Vicky Plum Photography

Liz Greenhalgh Photography

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Social events can be isolating for children and many neurodivergent people. There are triggers that induce a high level of anxiety such as noise, light, crowding and too much social interaction.

Celebrant-led wedding ceremonies are normally relaxed affairs, with a happy and joyful vibe. But any event can present an autistic child with lots of challenges, depending on what their triggers are.

As a Celebrant, I see all sorts of things going on in front of me while I’m leading a ceremony and, quite often, it’s parents trying to deal with a child who is having a melt-down while others look on. Whether that is a 2-year old toddler, or an 8-year old child with Autism, my view is that everybody, regardless of their differences, should be considered in wedding arrangements. We should embrace them and not try to hide any differences.

Children described as autistic will have different needs, depending on where they are on the spectrum. They all suffer increased sensory overload, just as we all do when we are stressed. Sensory overload is when your senses are receiving much more input than your brain can cope with. Flashing lights, loud music, strong smells, multiple conversations in one room and unexpected routines all contribute to this.

So, whether you are a couple who have autistic children in your immediate or extended family, or have guests coming who have autistic children, here are some ways to help these little guests feel as comfortable as possible:

One – explain

Describe what is going to happen on the day. This can also be done using very simple pictures for children who connect well with visual explanations. Can you produce a simple comic book representation of the day that can go with the invitations? If you can, make sure there is plenty of time for you or the child’s parents to go through it several times.

Two – comfortable clothing

If you want them to wear a particular outfit, make sure it’s washed in the same way that all their clothes are washed, so that it smells the same. Dress them in the outfit plenty of times before the wedding so that it doesn’t feel strange and make sure the material is comfortable, removing itchy labels.

Three – keep it quiet

Make sure everybody knows that this will be a celebration with no clapping, cheering or sudden noises. Accessible weddings that include autistic children can have lots of hugging instead. I have lead these before and they are just wonderful. And for later in the light evening when you can still be outside, why not opt for the silent disco. They are incredible fun!

Four – quiet sensory area

Provide an annex room or an outside space that can be used as a quiet space. Children love little teepees or tents that are their own. Whatever it is, provide a quiet area that has cushions, blankets and things to do. Help them to feel safe. Many autistic children like to focus on an ipad or similar, so it would be a bonus if you have wifi available. And if you can provide a box of toys that provide stimulation then that’s great. Think of including chewy toys, cuddly toys, fidget toys. Find out what they like. They will have their own toys with them but provide some extras, just in case.

Five – dim the lights

Try to keep to soft natural lighting. An outdoor setting is best for this. Ask your photographer to ditch the flash and don’t book anything with LED lights, strobe lights or any other bright or distracting lights.

Six – scent-free event

While there are lots of magical scent creators out there, it is better to start planning for a low- or no-scent wedding as early as possible so that all your guests can enjoy the event. These helpful guides for planning scent-free events will help get you started.

Seven – go to the venue

Take your child or little guest to the wedding venue before the ceremony, so that they become familiar with the surroundings. Not just once, but several times if they need it. Routine is a safe place. It is important to ensure there are no surprises to ensure accessible weddings for autistic children.

Eight – meet the celebrant

A stranger can sometimes trigger outbursts. Meeting your Celebrant, hearing their voice, knowing what’s going to happen is important in showing your child that this is someone they can trust.

Nine – keep it small

If you can keep your ceremony small, in terms of the number of guests, then do so. A large group of people all talking at the same time can be overwhelming for autistic children.

Ten – don’t stress

Be guided by your instincts and the knowledge you have about autistic children in your family. And don’t be afraid to ask for ideas from the parents of your little guests.

Get in touch

We are all individuals and, as such, we contribute in our own special way to your very special day. Just put some strategies in place and relax, knowing you’ve done the best you can. Get in touch to discuss your Celebrant led wedding ceremony, in which we can include all your guests. For more information and expert advice on autism, go to https://www.autism.org.uk .

Photos: stock images have been used for this article.

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But have you taken the same care with your wedding ceremony? If you have the bog-standard council ceremony, how memorable will that be? Will the interest of your guests fade? Rather than really listening to your wedding vows, will your guests just be waiting for the drinks, food and entertainment?

With a wedding ceremony led by a Celebrant, the anticipation and excitement of your arrival is aided by the Celebrant’s engagement with your guests. White Rose Ceremonies encourage the happy chatter and applause for when the first member of the wedding party arrives.

We make sure everybody is seated and check that everything is where it should be for the ceremony. It’s part of what we do.

And we make sure your perfect wedding ceremony is all about you.

It may well include the lovely traditional elements of a wedding ceremony, such as readings, vows, exchange of rings and the signing of a certificate. It might include symbolic rituals that celebrate your commitment to each other in different ways.

But your guests will be engaged and immersed in your perfect wedding ceremony as we tell your story. We have lots of ideas of how we can include special people without them having to get up and read.  These are things that you won’t get with the council ceremony.

This is your day.  It is all about creating memories.  It is all about giving you your perfect wedding ceremony.  These ceremonies can take place at any location, licensed or unlicensed. We provide you with the opportunity to have your perfect wedding ceremony wherever you want it.  It can be in a formal venue, your home, your grandmother’s garden, on the beach or in a forest.

Your promises can be celebrated with as many people as you want and with the words, music and feeling that you want. Whether that is humanist, religious or secular (not connected with any particular religious or spiritual matters), it is your ceremony.

We have even conducted ceremonies with a translator for friends and families who don’t speak English and as for including pets – well, we are becoming quite the experts!

Creating memories for your perfect wedding ceremony is easier than you think. Contact us for more information!

Photographs courtesy of David Waldron, White Rose Ceremonies.

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